Tuesday, February 11, 2020

MOTHERHOOD // A DECADE OF LEARNINGS



 2010. Started the decade with a newborn, an almost ten years old kid and two young teenagers. All in different stages of life. Closing an old life chapter and working on a new routine as a full time housewife. And at the same time, embracing a new chapter being a home maker one day at a time. Also, in vision to a new perspective of life in a positive and productive set of mind. Thus my  journal, Window of happiness blog was born. ( formerly audrinajulia at blogspot dot com )

Becoming a mother and a nurturer is an instinct. As a parent, we have this vision of giving all what we have for our children. And as an evidence, we help ourselves to do our best in terms of career and personal growth in order to be skilled and capable in our crafts. Later on, to be ready in welcoming motherhood and parenting, as the way we welcome marriage in our life. And if there is a situation that planning has not become an option at first, and all happens in a whirl wind phase of life. Still, we know how to adjust. We are in continuous resilience to be responsible, loving and caring human being in whatever aspects and circumstances of motherhood and parenting it may lead. Even though there are instances that life becomes overwhelming and we are constantly struggling.

Intimacy. Nowadays that woman are engage in growing their career as a working mom and pursuing a path of their own in terms of career development. And in some way, becoming a feminist that i completely understand. And that is, undebatable. But i also suggest of taking into considering giving more time for yourself and your child at an early stage of life. That intimate relationship can be beneficial for both of you now and more than in the future. If there is a chance, grab the opportunity of stepping back to work for a minimum of at least three years, until you and your child fully form a bond and equipped with intimate relationship. That, before you embrace your life again in chasing motherhood and career. You don't want to regret taking somebody to fill the shoes for your absence, and that, you will regret later on in life. A tip. And also, take time to go out with your kid ( a date with each of them )  once in a while to help you both cope with what's happening in each others lives. It is like two friends who meet up and cultivate friendship. For a time, it separates you from being a "nagging" mom and transform yourself being a friend who share the same interests, who offer time, and also, are there, to listen.

A tough topic. Education. Living in were highest rank of education is an status quo, a norm and a culture. Having a degree is required. I could not remember if i have a conversation with a parent who does not want their child to finish college, because all of them do. For the theory that having a diploma widen knowledge, unlocks fortune and prevents poverty. 

As i enter the new decade of 2010, i have a very strong ideology in mind about the education of our child. To help them lead to a greater future. In full support,  with an armor of will that we can make it through, financially. It is a positive vision knowing that it will all happen in less than five years time and feels like i have a butterfly in my stomach, the excitement kills me because i know, we are there to support and we can able to make it through. For the entire time, i never knew that it will not happen that easily. And in some point left me feel frustrated and devastated. It is a phase of motherhood that takes a lot of toll, and the first time i felt useless, to not help solve a problem. 

But the entire chapter is an eye opener, knowing we can not predict what will happen in our children's lives even though we laid our plan really well. That being idealistic and too much expectation can crash a person so badly. And a lesson learned, we should be open minded to know that our children are the one who is responsible of their own actions. That they learn through their own achievements, experiences and mistakes. And they are liable for their actions to process it on their own. And in the long run what we could only do is to give advice's and support. But most of all, it softens our hearts to validate that everybody can reach the same destination, but not everybody take the same route. I will take it from there. So like the husband always tells me, be patient, do not lose hope. Do not make it hard on yourself and also to your children. And thankful that i have somebody to lean on, to be a shock absorb-er and to take this road along side with me. 


Resilience. We can not question how well a mother can be tough in so many aspects of life thrown at her. And unknowingly, mother can become superior in many ways as if she has a supernatural power to do things all at once for the better good of the family. As we have so many dreams, goals and ambitions for our child. That we always want what is the best for them. But the truth is, we are only their guide, their counselor and in some way time will come that they need to go out on their comfort zone to see what is the real world. One thing that i have learned and accept all throughout this journey is that, i can not contain what will happen, even though i want to. That we are only there to light their way but they are still the one who will dig their own. For some child, the destination go on smoothly, and for others the journey takes time to get the path. And that is a big realization. 

As a parent and most as a mother, when things do not come as the way it is meant to be, the first thing that comes to mind is to be disappointed, guilty, and most, devastated. But don't. If you think you did your best, then, it is okay. Though there are times that a mother will struggle for the things that don't come as the way they expected. But it should not be the reason to stop from giving advice's, to be a teacher and a nurturer. And the most important thing is that we should not stop from loving our children. And in some circumstances that things becomes blur and you do not know what to do, there is always a way. You can seek professional advice if that can help you to understand even more. But if you don't want to go that far, learning is the key. You can study and do more research on parenting. There are many books that will help you as a guide if you think motherhood becomes overwhelming. As a references, you can take a look on the book No Drama Discipline, as well as Mothering - Daughtering, to name a few. 

Self care. Meditation. Act of faith. "A happy mom is a happy life. A happy life is a happy home." Having your time alone is not being selfish, it is self love, and there is no need to be guilty about it. Actually, all moms need it. It makes you renew yourself to make it more beneficial for you and for other family members to be an efficient home maker. And the best part? It will help you a lot to be sane. In general, moms ( and dad too! ) need to rejuvenate herself and need to have time for self care. Physically, mentally and spiritually. You can not fill water with an empty cup isn't it? Find yourself to do what you love most doing, even it means doing yoga, gardening or just having time to sit and sip your coffee in a quiet place.
Make the habit of doing reflections and turn yourself to a daily spiritual devotion. It helps yourself to renew each day and to lead on the right track. To inhale what is good and exhale those what are not needed. It helps rejuvenate your body, mind, and soul. 

Balance and Growth. When you are in the category of putting away your old self and stepping back your career to embrace and welcome motherhood. But there comes a time that a portion of you long for it and want to be that kind of person once again. The one who are called a working mom, a lady boss. Gladly, there is a right time for everything, right? just knowing our limitations first and what really our priorities are. And nowadays that life are all in digital way, we can look at it as an opportunity. To be a work at home moms, that able to combine work and mommy hood in our own roof.

As a person i always like to be busy, to do things of my own, to study and to explore things outside my daily life routine as a mom. In that way i find self fulfillment to know that i can do what helps me grow as a person. And knowing that i am still whole and have my old self left with me. 

Gratitude. It is all worth it. There is nothing more joyful than hearing your advises coming out from your children, mimicking it with appreciation. Knowing what you preach are now being practice in their life. Carve in their hearts and stuck in their minds. Unknowingly with the feeling of joy, also comes tears, and it overflows. When there are moments that you feel hopeless and you feel there is nothing you can do. But still, you continue because that is the best thing to do, with a tons of prayers. And one day you might be surprise, that all prayers are being answered. It is happening, all at once. And there, you see light at the end of the tunnel. Unexpected. But in the perfect timing. And then you whisper; God, thank you for your grace. For not leaving me in this journey even though rough roads exists. That you have learned with all the goodwill and the hardships. Then sobbing you maybe. There is nothing joyous than to be worthy of His grace, validating that an answered prayers exists. That it all happens in the right time. So mom, just hold on, hold on. When you are in the point of struggling right now and mom life is hard, still, keep moving forward. My prayers are with you.


Advice. For the young woman of today. We all know that mothers are born nurturer and have that natural instinct. But motherhood in a broader complex is not all about that. It is all about being responsible. You will be nurturing and developing a person to be a law abiding citizen in the future so to discipline them at an early stage is necessary. For they can become an asset or a downfall to your family and to the community. You as the becoming mother should learn to educate yourself first before jumping to the bandwagon of motherhood. There are a lot of factors to consider to help you understand why. And ask yourself,  how ready are you to love a person bigger than your own life? And if you all heard the saying, " i love them so much that it hurts." Take a ques from all of that as you will hear those words more often. And the least part? you can feel all that mothering emotions running through your veins. So before embracing the mothering world, start your own research, try to understand first, why. Know more about the words sympathy and empathy. Talk to a person that you look up in life as a mom, she might narrate some words of wisdom that can help you apply later on in life. And keep it as a guide with you when you are on the road to embracing motherhood. 

Another decade had passed. I can not say that i became expert on my field. Are you? I wish there is somebody like it and ask her out for a coffee to share a words of wisdom with me. For sure, that will be lovely. In some point there are times that motherhood left me feel guilty. I always ask myself if i really made it all right? am i doing enough? All throughout the chapter of a decade i still consider myself learning. But there also comes to mind that if i will be given a second life, i do not know if i have the courage to undergo the same, if it can help me overcome my fear. The reason of being afraid of taking care of somebody and for loving them so deeply might kill me in my next life. I do not know if i can handle it the same situation or i might left myself childless next. But at this point, mom life might be tiring and in some point, draining. But i really enjoy and love what i do each day as a stay at home mom, i love taking care of my children down to the little details and i have been passionate to do all those things throughout the years. It seems that i am made to do this life, that it is my purpose. And i think that is the main reason why i still keep moving forward. An important factor to love what you do and and it will surprise you about the outcome. 

For the next decade to come, though the journey and experiences might be different from the other. But still a mother's love will remain unconditional, and the bond that we made through the years for our children will keep us even stronger. I envision myself applauding them near or from a far for what life will bring them in the future. Because i know, they work hard and give their best to attain it. And a part of who they become as a person, in moral and in values is a shadow of me and i am proud to be a part of it. The legacy will be instill in their hearts and mind as i laid my eyes to rest. And happily more than ever because i know i give my very best.  

This is my motherhood story. Maybe far different from yours or might be similar in some way. But for sure, for all of us, our love for our children is endless. And to you moms and dads, how was a decade of motherhood and parenting made you so far?





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