Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Motherhood : On Sibling Rivalry

This is quite a long post  and hope you can bear to read up to the bottom. I have four kids and this topic is quite important to me as I'm dealing some issue of this kind.What's your stand on the issue of sibling rivalry? I am an only daughter but I do have step brothers and sisters. I don't have any bad itch about that and I treat them like my own and even vice versa. Growing up, I don't felt the issue of jealousy or even sibling rivalry as what you call it in some point. I learned to accept the situation for what it is when I was young in the most positive thoughts. I even understand why male are most favorable among the siblings and we even doctrine about that issue at a very young age, but then again it's not a big deal to me.
When given a chance to have and raise my own kids, I put an emphasis that they should be given both equal  attention in all aspect as the proper way. My first and second kid are only nine months apart. They are close to each other as I may say so until this time, no problem at all is the right word to be exact. I even asked by my collegues and friends before about the  issue and I keep mum about it as I don't know how to interact or reply to their question. I'm not dealing with those kind of issue at all. Until my second son is born, which is like six years apart from son1. Same attention, discipline, and values are implemented for the coming of son2. Until I've noticed that attention has been quite a big deal to my first son. It seems that he's more reluctant to talk if son2 is around. You can feel that he's a bit hesitant in communicating with us if it includes his youngest brother. It show that he's more likely to talk if we are only dealing with him. This kind of reaction and attention by son1 are only "exclusive" with son2 alone and not to my two daughters, in all cases he's okay with all sorts of relationship, responsible in almost all the task that is given to him, he is even my right hand in some household chores and very good in dealing with his studies which makes my husband and I proud of him. It's only Attention that brought an issue for him even though my husband and I do a fair share on them. Bullying is one thing that he also does to son2. An act of irritation is also the word that he almost show to son2 almost everytime. This is one thing that breaks my heart  in dealing with parenting issue. It's hard that I don't have a background in some sort of the situation on my siblings before just for better understanding. I remember once in the conversation of  "which of your child gives a hard time in dealing with" was raised by a mom and known that "almost" answer on the survey was the second child. We don't even know if that is a "pecking order" thing. I just conclude now that eventhough you raised your child in the most positive manner and fair share,  it does not provide you that this kind of problem will not rise.

I put it into writing so that I can help myself to understand the situation more and providing a different point of view from all of you for better understanding. I love my kids so much and it really breaks my heart as a mom to deal with this kind of issue. I hope I can patch this as early as possible while we are still in one roof, before they go elsewhere with the life of their choice. Do you also have issue of this kind? In your family, does this issue exist? Or are you into it? How do you deal with this in your own home, if there's any? 

To all of you who reach reading  this far, thank you very much!. 



  1. nice post, I think when you have siblings you will always have some sort of rivalry. Which is prob why my sisters and I stopped playing games against each other LOL. But at the end of the day, she has her talents and I got mine, it's all fun and games :)

  2. Thanks for sharing part of your personal life. It's hard to watch your kids fight. Do you think that your older son feels threatened by his brother? Somehow now he has someone to compete with, that's why he shuts down whenever son2 is around? Maybe it's his natural defense mechanism kicking into play. My kids are already fighting a lot, my older daughter is constantly bullying her sister. I'm hoping that she grows out of it soon. I can't believe your first two kids are only 9 months apart! That's crazy!

    xx Jenee C.

  3. Hi Jenee! It's really hard to see your kids bullying one of his sibling. I came to the think on the word "threatened" ,I don't know, but maybe in some point due to same activities and interest in sports. But I think for six long years he happens to be the youngest among the family then when the baby bumps came it happens to be a boy.On having my eldest 9 months apart? yes! haha! It's really insane when I knew then that I was pregnant but I'm blessed that time that my mom is around to help me raising the two - hands on.

  4. Thanks for sharing! Knowing your experience atleast makes me relieve in some point. Hope it only outgrows soon!:)

  5. I don't have some sibling rivalry right now. Obviously, Mr.Freddy is the only child so he gets all his parents attention. But it's tough having an only child. He has nobody to play with except me or his dad. By the way, how old is your son1? You know some kids especially at his age, they really like to tease other kids, they like to fight and they really want to see other kids in tears. But, I hope he is going to change.

  6. Hi pretty mommy, nice to have you back! Son1 is 16 years old now with six years apart to son2 who's only 10. I just noticed that kids differ nowadays, I can't relate to some of their actions most especially on teasing and bullying part. Hope and pray that when time comes that mr. freddie will have a sister or bro he will accept it open arms like what happened to me before. It's hard being an only child for quite sometime and knowing to have one excites me so much then.


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